Permanent,
by SapphireMistress
Summary: Mello and Matt are inseperable...but when a tragic event happens to Matt, are they going to be separated by death? PUT ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

DN fanfic by: YuuriCullen

*disclaimer* I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE (I wish I did) AND I DON'T HAVE ONE, SO IF U HAVE BAD REVIEWS, I'LL JUST TELL LIGHT TO STICK RYUK ON YOU...*evil laugh* TSUGUMI OHBA AND TAKESHI OBATA OWN DEATH NOTE..OH AND....I DON'T OWN THE SONG "PERMANENT' EITHER....IT'S BY DAVID COOK....I FORGOT WHO COMPOSED IT, BUT IT SURELY IS NOT ME....THE ONLY THING I OWN IS MY WILD AND CRAZY IMAGINATION...LET THE TRAGIC TALE BEGIN! oh, and u'll get the meaning of the song by the end of the whole story...

"Permanent"

By: David Cook

Is this the moment where i look you in the eye?  
Forgive my broken promise that you`ll never see me cry  
And everything, it will surely change even if i tell you i won`t go away today  
Will you think that you`re all alone  
When no one`s there to hold your hand?  
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head  
I`m permanent

I know he`s living in hell every single day  
And so i ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place  
And when they say it`s all touch and go i wish i could make it go away  
But still you say  
Will you think that you`re all alone when no one`s there to hold your hand?  
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head  
I`m permanent  
I`m permanent

Is the moment where i look you in the eye?  
Forgive my promise that you`ll never see me cry

Chapter 1: (Mello's POV)

Of all the days to have flashbacks, this was the worst day to have them. I just felt like something was going to be seriously messed up today, and I freakin woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I grabbed my things and went to my first class across the hallway while eating my quick breakfast, a chocolate bar. The Science room was already filled with people when I came in. I sat in my usual spot, beside the readhead who always wore striped shirts and orange goggles, and also my best friend, Matt. I put my bag down and slouched on my seat when I was jerked awake by Matt's early morning victory shout..."HECK YEAH! I WON! OH BEAT THAT!" every head turned to our direction, and suddenly asked myself how did I even get to know this guy....then I sank lower to my seat, due to the huge embarrassment....

"Hey..do you remember what day it is???" he asked. "Yes....the chemistry project's due today." "No, not tha- WE HAVE A PROJECT DUE TODAY?!" "Yeah...don't tell me--" "I have to leave after first period anyway....but what else is happening in this day?" "Wait..lemme think..." "i never knew you could..." I punched him lightly on the arm. I waited for the chocolate to settle in, then forced my brian to remember what day it is. "OMG....HOLY CRAP...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!" "Finally!" I got out of my seat and gave him a huge nuggie. "H-heeeey! My hair! Man!" I laughed and gave him a huge pat on the back. "Ow..too much for a birthday treat..." he moaned and coughed. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and either I'm nuts or something's wrong with hi, but I could swear I saw blood on the sleeve he used to wipe his mouth with....


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

All of the class time, Matt wasn't paying attention at all. He looked really worried, despite the fact that

it's his birthday today. I'm really dying to know what's bugging him, so I asked him what's on his mind. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm fine." "I know you're lying, Matt. Just get it over with and tell me." "I'll tell you later, but can you go to the hospital with me first?" "Sure, alright. I'll come with you."

Another darned flashback. I remembered Matt's been going to the hospital for checkups since last month, and he's been going almost every week. I know he's keeping something secret from me, and I really hope it's nothing that bad....

"Hey, Melloooooooooooooo" "Huh? What? Oh, sorry...I was spacing out again, I guess." "Dammit...I really want to leave right now...I want to go outside..." an evil smirk spread across our faces, as we slowly and quietly got up from our seat, and rushed to the door. "Matt! Mello! What do you think you're doing?!" Mr. West said as he was running after us. "Ditching, of course!" we said in unison. We went to the back door, and stepped out to the grassy lawn. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah...it's really healthy to ditch once in a while." I said as I put my bag down and laid on the grass. Matt just stared at me, like I said something ironic. "What?" "N-nothing." He sat and leaned on a tree while playing Mario Party on his DS. That's his other vice, besides smoking. "Hey, you're not smoking today." "We're going to the hospital...why should I?" he chuckled and rolled his green eyes again. "Oh....riiiiiiiiiiiight..."

We stayed there for a few more minutes, then sneaked back inside to put our stuff back in and get the car keys. We successfully did it without being caught.

We went to the parking lot and asked Matt which hospital was it. "Um...St. George's Hospital" "Alright, then..." We climbed in the car, and I started the engine. I put my foot to the gas pedal and reversed out the parking lot. I had another flashback as I kept repeating the hospital's name in my head. I remembered looking it up once, because I researched about hospitals and St. George's is a hospital that deals with pulmonary diseases.

Matt, a not-so-big-fan of hospitals, suddenly started going since last month, and that hospital is St. George's, a hospital famous for diagnosing pulmonary / respiratory diseases. Matt, a videogame lover and a chain-smoker, went to that hospital since a month ago...could this mean???


	3. Chapter 3, Secrets

Author`s Note: Yes, I`m still in my writer`s block right now..I hate it...it sucks...I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'll update as much as I can!!! Please review if you can! Well...on with the tragic tale...

Chapter 3

"Matt, tell me something, and please be honest with it."

"What do I need to tell you?"

I struggled to say what's on my mind, as I can't find the words and courage to say it. I kept quiet for a while, and finally put together the question that had been bugging me since the beginning of this ride.

"Matt, do you have some kind of lung problems?"

His head turned to me, then back to his DS.

"Well...that's why I'm going to the hospital today."

"How come I didn't know about this?!"

My anger and irritation crept up to my veins, as I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. Why would Matt keep this secret from me? Matt spoke, as if he'd read my mind.

"I didn't want you to worry about me, alright? I know you would, and I didn't want to cause you extra stress."

"If you told me earlier, it will still stay the same! I would still be flippin worried! Who wouldn't be, you idiot."

My temper rose higher, but I remembered it's his birthday today, and I didn't want him to feel depressed, so I didn`t push the argument farther, and decided to apologize, which I rarely-actually, almost never-do.

"Sorry, man. It's just that I really wanted to know why you were going to the hospital so often, and why you didn`t tell me. Now I know what really happened...hey, I remember telling you to quit smoking since last year...and what did you do????"

"It`s harder than you think it is! I tried, believe me, and it's hard." He sighed

"Never mind. This argument's pointless." I said, wanting to end it as soon as possible.

"It sure is." He agreed.

My thoughts were clouded and I can't explain the pain in my heart. If Matt _did_ have some problem, is he going to be able to bear it? Am _I_ going to be able to? If that problem is fatal, am I going to be able to bear it? _That _certainly has an answer...a gi-normous 'NO'. I can't bear to lose my only friend. He's the only one that I've got, and probably the only one I'll ever get...


	4. Chapter 4, Confusion

AN: Yo! Welcome to Christmas Break!!!!! I'll update as much as possible! As long as my written work won't fall behind my computer work....I still have 3 ISP's so yea...I have to do them during the break...so I might be slow in updating, but 2day, I'm taking a break!!!! So...on with the tragic tale!

Chapter 4

Confusion

It was a silent ride to the hospital after the little argument. I parked the car and went to the reception desk with Matt.

"Hi. May I help you?" the receptionist asked, silently eyeing us both.

I suddenly questioned on why people think we're weird. Is it just because of our physical aspects, or is it something more, like the way we interact with each other, our closeness.

"Um...yeah...I'm Matt, Dr. Caroseli's patient."

"Oh! Right...sorry, I'm just new here. I'm not that familiar with his patients, but if you please wait by the waiting room, we'll call you as soon as he's done with his other patient. Thank you!"

"Thanks." He replied.

We walked over to the waiting room. We sat, but didn't talk. It looks like the tyranny of silence was winning over us. After a few more minutes, Matt finally won over silence, and spoke to me for the first time after the ride.

"Mello..."

"Hmmm?" I turned my head to look at him. He was fidgeting with his thumbs, and I could tell he was nervous about something, because he tends to do that all the time he's nervous.

"I know it's weird to ask this again, after so many years of not asking, but...can you hold my hand for now?"

Another friggin flashback, oh for the love of...

I always remember Matt asking me to hold his hand whenever he's nervous, because he tends to bite his nails his fingers, and he doesn't want to do it anymore, so I held his hand just to keep it away from his teeth. I'd hold it secretly and hide it, because the kids at Wammy can be pretty judgemental, and might bully Matt, and think that we're gay...not that I have a problem with that, because I'm not-wait-am I gay?

I sighed...flashback after flashback...

I started to feel something...well, confusion, to be exact, since Matt came in Wammy's house. Sure, Matt _is_ my _only_ friend, but I feel something else that I can't even describe...I don't even have a name for it yet. Then, the sudden burst of questions came in.

Why do I feel something creeping up to my veins whenever I see him happy, whenever I see him smile? Why do I feel sudden flutters from my stomach whenever he asks me to hold his hand? Why all these feelings? I think it's just not normal to feel these weird sensations, if I only think of him as my friend.

Ever since he came, he just brought this mysterious aura around himself. We just seem to blend in together. We got along pretty good, and we formed and incredible bond and a good team, with him as the sidekick. He always went along with my plans, how seemingly stupid and dangerous it might be. He seemed to enjoy every elaborate plan and prank that we did together. Teammates do that. They enjoy every victory and downfall together. Is he just more than a friend to me? And after all this victory of our plans and pranks, will this event that's about to come in the hospital will be a downfall for both of us? If it is, will we be able to rise above it?

Dun Dun Dun....

Please sign and review! Reviews r like chocolate that make Mello happy!!!


	5. Chapter 5, Hands

AN: After being so DN spazzed, I decided to update my fanfic! I know! Isn't this great! Oh, can somebody please tell me where I can watch the movie "L change the worLd"? Please? Oh and plz review my story...reviews make L sweeter...even though he's not in the story...well...enjoy and on with the tragic tale!

Chapter 5: Hands

As I recovered from my five minute "zone-out", Matt was fidgeting with his thumbs. He was about to raise his finger to his mouth, when I grabbed his and stopped him from biting his finger again. I held his hand, a blush creeping after the other.

Why am I blushing? I never blush!!

The strange, hot, sensation of blood flowing to my cheeks was disturbing, yet wonderful. I'd give anything to feel it again and again.

"Thanks, Mello."

"Anytime." And when I say anytime, I mean _anytime_.

I tried to make my breaths even, but they're chopped down due to the blushing sensation.

"Are you alright? You sound like you're the one who has lung issues." Matt chuckled.

I tried to make up an intelligible excuse aside from the one I have in mind right now.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Waiting rooms just disturb me."

"Oh, okay." And he asked no more questions...or so I'd thought...

"What's taking so long?" he asked

"Dunno. Maybe just a long line of patients."

Matt sighed again and stared off into space, as if thinking of something complicated and putting it to words...


	6. Chapter 6, Cat out of the bag

AN: More Updates!!!! *squeal* I'm spazzed more than ever...so here, on with the tragic tale!

Plz review...reviews make Matt win a bonus 1000 points in his Mario game!!! Oh and please recommend some good doujinshi sites for me...I'm addicted to them...gosh...oh and wish me luck on my ISPs ok? Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Cat out of the bag (you'll get the title meaning later.)

(Matt's POV)

I was thinking of Mello ever since I went to the hospital last month. I knew he would react like this, but what I didn't expect was the searing pain inside of me everytime I see him worried and hurt because of my condition, and it was unbearable.

I had strange feelings for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, leather-wearing, angsty boy that I grew up with since...well, since forever.

He was the only one who talked to me, and understood me. Sometimes, he can be bossy and controlling. After all these years, I told to myself, "We're just teammates, that's all that there is to it." Again and again, I told that to myself, but why do I feel some strange sensations whenever he holds my hand? It's like sparks gone crazy, but better...I think ....I think he's more than just a friend to me...

I don't know what to do now. He'll eventually find out that I have lung cancer.

That's why I've been going every single week. Diagnoses, checkups, all that kind of stuff. I just had my first session of chemotherapy last week, and he instantly noticed that I looked paler and weaker. It _was_ _very weakening_. I just wished he was there...I wished that I told this to him before. It's hard, and now, it's even harder to tell him.

I wanted him to know how I feel, but I'm afraid to tell him. He might find this whole thing strange, and might not talk to me again. I don't know how long I have until I die, but I wish it's long enough to spend more time with him. If this is going to be my birthday, I'd better make use of it, and fast...

(Mello's POV)

After minutes of spacing out, Matt finally returned back to earth.

"Hey Mello..."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"If....just IF...If I die, would you cry?"

His sudden random but serious question caught me off guard. Why is he asking me all this crap all of a sudden? What if he _is_ going to die? What would I do? Would I cry? Would I miss him? Would I _die along with him?_ I blurted out the only answer I can give him.

(Matt's POV)

"No, I won't cry." Mello said in a monotonous voice.

My head flickered to him, and he was looking down. I was emotional and sensitive, and I felt the sudden urge to break down and cry as his cold words surged through me.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

He didn't care about me as much as I did. Well, that _should_ be really obvious. Why would I expect him to return my feelings back?

I stood up to go to the washroom and let it all out in there, but he squeezed my hand to stop me, and he stood up.

"I won't cry if you die...I'll die along with you." He said in a strained voice.

I can't believe it...he cares about me in a way, at least...I can still dream, right?

Then, very surprisingly, tears started running down his cheeks. This is the only time I saw him cry, besides that incident when I almost drowned when we were five...

(Mello's POV)

Odd things are happening today. All these darned flashbacks, weird sensations, and unexplained feelings...

I felt stinging in my eyes as I answered Matt's question. I was crying and I felt weak and helpless...

I never cried for a long time...

Never since that incident when we were five...

*Flashback*

"Matt, hang on!" I shouted as I ran down the riverbank to save an almost drowning Matt, my only friend.

He was coughing, as the wild current swept him farther away.

I ran faster, clung my right foot to a strong tree, stretched out both of my arms out to him, and told him to grab on. Matt caught my arms and I used all of my strength to pull him out of the raging river.

I pulled him up, and he climbed to the bank. He sat beside me, panting and all wet from head to toe. I turned to him and shook his shoulders.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?! Jumping off to the river like that! You almost died!"

A stinging pain was hurting my eyes, and before I knew it, I was crying.

Matt stared at me apologetically with his emerald eyes, and after a few moments, he apologized.

"What now, are you going to laugh because I'm crying? Go ahead!"

"No, silly. I'm not going to laugh at you."

He smiled and hugged me. Even though he was all wet, I didn't care. He ran his hand through my back and patted my head.

"I'm fine. I didn't die, alright? I'm okay...and I'm really sorry. I just went after my gameboy. Some jerk threw it there. "

I found myself warm, despite the fact that Matt just came from the ice-cold river.

I laughed.

"That was stupid. You know I can always get you a new one." I said

"Oh...okay...now I know." He laughed too, and we shared the moment of his idiocy together.

"Oh, by the way Mello..."

"What?"

"Promise that you'll never cry over something stupid like this again, alright?"

I can't guarantee him that for sure, because I tend to get really emotional and lose my head all the time.

"Okay, fine. Whatever you say, oh so great gamer."

"If you break it, you'll owe me 200 pounds (the English currency) worth of games, alright!"

"But I can't afford that...yet..."

"That's a reason on why you shouldn't break it." He smirked.

"Deal's on, Matt!" we shook hands and ran back to the Wammy house.

***

Back to the present time...

"Y-you're crying..."

"No I'm not!"

I quickly wiped the tears, but they kept flowing down my cheeks.

"You're crying just because of some stupid question? Remember the deal?"

"I told you, I'm not crying!"

My effort to growl at Matt was foiled by the croaky voice I got from crying.

I clenched my fists and prepared to walk out of the room, when Matt took me into a warm embrace. My heart suddenly stuttered, and began to beat double-time.

I sighed, turned to Matt, unclenched my fists, and gave in to the warmth of his embrace.

Like before, he gently ran his hand down my back, only now, it sent chills down my spine.

"It's alright, Mello. I was just asking a random question. Don't be that melodramatic."

"Ha ha...very funny, Matt."

I said, still looking down.

Matt has a dry sense of humor. Sometimes it helps, but right now, it doesn't.

"M-Mello..."

"What, now?" I asked irritably.

He took my face in his hands, and smiled at me, sending chills again, and making a blush appear after the other.

Damn...why does he have to be so adorable like that?!

****

He then gently pressed his surprisingly soft, warm, lips to mine. I stood there for seconds, surprised and frozen, as he brushed his tongue against mine. I never expected him to openly express his feelings like that.

I closed my eyes and melted into the kiss. He took a short gasp for air, and then I made my move.

I knotted my fingers through his red hair and kissed him back. He was surprised, but continued to kiss me passionately. It was really long; it could put a new Guinness world record.

This time, I was the one who gently pulled away and gasped for air.

Matt hugged me tighter and closer to him.

"I love you, Mello, 'till the day I die" he whispered to my ear.

"I'd die with you." I whispered back.

***

My heart beat double-no-triple time as the realization came to me. We love each other, and we`re willing to die for each other. Now I know that 'love' was the word that I was looking for on how to describe those feelings and sensations...then, another realization ticked into my head...

"Matt..."

"Huh?"

"Are there security cameras in here?"

He was quiet for a moment, and then it hit him, too.

"Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii----"he groaned.

"Well...we just have to get the tapes at the end of the day." I smirked.

Matt reluctantly let go of me and we sat down on the seats again.

"Yeah...Dr. Caroselli usually deletes me from all their footage in Watari's behalf, but we really need to steal this one."

"We have a plan, then."

"Heck yeah!"

AN: WHEW! GOSH! I STRUGGLED TO GET THIS ONE DONE! The ISU`S ARE KEEPING ME FROM THIS! Sorry for some humor in there...I don't like it either....but please R&R! I worked really hard! Reviews make Misa less annoying!


	7. Chapter 7: Ready, Set, Go

**AN: SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATE! THERE WERE SO MUCH THINGS BUGGING ME AND PLEADING TO BE WRITTEN! SECOND SEM IS SO BUSY, AND I HAVE OUR SCHOOL PLAY ON PROGRESS TOO! JEEZ! HERE IS THE LATEST CHAPTER OF THIS THING…AND SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATE! I'LL TRY TO UPDATE MORE…IF MY INTERNET IS STILL WORKING, THAT IS... (Sniffles) Go on, and enjoy the tale…**

**PS. The title of this chappie is from the Tokio Hotel song ^_^ wheeze! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Dr. Caroselli! If I did, there would be more yaoi moments in DN XD ^_^**

**THIS CHAPPIE IS DEDICATED TO MY FRIENDS: MiaIV and Crimson-Blood-Demoness…and yes, AkatsukiVampiress too! She achieved something really great! Just love them a whole lot!**

**Chapter 7: Ready, Set, Go…**

(Mello's POV)

As the nurse came in, Matt tensed immediately. I sensed that there was something wrong with him…_he was scared of something_…

His eyes immediately started to lose their shine and his face started to drain their color.

"Matt, right?" the nurse asked.

"Yes…"

"You're next in line…be ready in five minutes."

"Alright…I'll be ready…"

The nurse left, and turned back to her other tasks.

I turned to him, concerned.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh…nothing…just a bit nervous, I guess…"

He looked away from me, and out the window. I know that when everytime he does that, he's trying to hide something from me.

"Matt, is there something you want to tell me?"

He didn't answer. Was this all a mistake for him? _Was the kiss earlier bugging him?_

"Matt…tell me what's going on…" I said, in the fiercest tone that I can manage.

"I told you, I'm just nervous!" he clenched his fist and turned to face me.

"Don't lie to me, Matt. I know you too well…I know there's something wrong…"

He sighed, and his head dropped down.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn, Mello?"

"Because I want to know something!" I hissed.

"Alright, I give up. I'm going to tell you, but you promise you won't get mad, alright?"

"It depends on what you're going to tell me—"

"Just say yes, for the love of—"

"Alright, alright…I won't get mad…"

He sighed again, and leaned his head on the wall.

"Mello…do you know why we came here?"

"Um…to get the results of your diagnosis?"

"No…I'm already diagnosed…"

"WHAT?! AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? _AGAIN?"_

"I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE WORRIED ABOUT ME, OR HURT IN ANY WAY THAT WILL BE MY DOING!"

"You already did…I'm already hurt by you not telling me everything that's important as of now."

"I…I'm sorry…"

His eyes started to water, then tears slowly came out. He sniffled and wiped it with his glove-covered hand.

I shifted closer to him, took his face in my hands, and gently brushed my lips against his, to gently comfort him.

I pulled away, sighing…

"What did you want to tell me?" I said calmly.

"I…well…"

"Just spit it out, for crying out loud!"

"Mello…I…have…"

My brain ticked as I came to the conclusion that I was dreading to hear…

"Matt…you…can't possibly…n-no…"

"Sadly…it is…" he just looked away

All earth came crashing down on me as I realized what's wrong with him…

_Matt has lung cancer…_

As to why we were here, I have no absolute clue….

The sky was starting to darken up, as there's a rain that's supposed to come today. The speaker came on and beckoned us to come to the doctor's office…

I looked at Matt, who was uneasy and pale.

I took his hand, and put on a brave smile.

"We're going to make it through this…I'm here for you…_always…_We'll face this together, don't worry…"

He stared to get up, and gathered all the courage that he has. He took a deep breath, and we walked to the hallway together.

We reached the doctor's office, and stood by the door.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"All set…"

"Let's go…" I said, as I turned the doorknob open, ready to face what's going to come for us…

Dark clouds aren't always a good sign…

**AN: SORRY IF THIS IS TOO SHORT! UWAIII!! I'M REALLY TRYING MY BEST TO PICK UP THE UPDATES FOR THESE THINGS…MELLO AND MATT AREN'T COOPERATING WITH ME….XD…OH, AND AS AN APOLOGY, PLEASE RECEIVE A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPPIE, AND APOLOGY COOKIES! ^_^**

**Preview of chapter 8:**

"**M-Matt…"**

"**Mello?"**

"**Ngh…M-Matt…"**

"**M-Mello…"**

**O_O WTH…ARE THEY—O_O…**

**LEMONS, NE? XD KEEP GUESSING UNTIL I POST THE 8****TH**** CHAPPIE OF THIS THING THAT HAS THREE PARTS or two…IT'S GOING TO BE FREKAIN LONG, MAN…XD…**

**HMMM…EVERYTHING IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT IT SEEMS! WATCH OUT! XD**


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